Christianity really is different.
Sometimes I wonder how I stumbled into as close a relationship with You as I have (not that it's anything impressive for my sake). It often seems like a lot of trouble. It'll feel like You're stretching me too far for my own good. Sometimes it even feels like I have no business trying to do what I'm trying to do. After all, it is hard to imagine that I could really make a difference in Your enormous plans.
Plus it causes me stress and even grief on a daily basis. It's the enemy's world out there and living in it with other people living in it while still trying not to be of it often seems like a worthless pursuit. On top of all the other pressures of being a student and a person I'm supposed to be an example and a light to my peers? It's not always the easiest thing to be motivated to do.
Also, being in the presence of sin does a lot to a person whether they're actually tempted by it or not. I remember being a freshman and seeing the difference between the presence of sin on campus and at home and the difference wore on me daily. Just because I spend less time in the presence of this sort of sin does not exempt me from living in this world and being constantly more aware of the sin inside and outside of me.
Not to mention that some of the primary (though ill-founded) reasons I began to take Christianity seriously in the first place no longer exist. And much of my motivation to be found deeper in You still remains suspect. Whether it be Christian friendships, religious pride, or even the enjoyment of having theological discussions, all present a temptation for me to feign my relationship with You, sometimes without my own awareness of doing so.
But You Lord, have a plan for all of this. Even though I fall, fail, miss the point, and am unable to purify my own mind, You love me. You have placed infinite worth on my life by paying for it an infinite price. Nothing in all creation can change this love You have for me. Thank You.
When I look back on my life I hope that I can say truthfully that I did everything for one reason alone: because I love You so much and because You loved me first and died to save me.
Certainly nothing else is worth it.
But with my pathetic human wisdom and my pathetic human commitment I lose focus so quickly and cannot see the true worth of Your love. I end up subconsciously falling back on insufficient reasons. I have no doubt that in Your sight it is as some sort of idolatry or hypocrisy.
Change my heart and make it all about You. Then it becomes truly worth it.
Sometimes I wonder how I stumbled into as close a relationship with You as I have (not that it's anything impressive for my sake). It often seems like a lot of trouble. It'll feel like You're stretching me too far for my own good. Sometimes it even feels like I have no business trying to do what I'm trying to do. After all, it is hard to imagine that I could really make a difference in Your enormous plans.
Plus it causes me stress and even grief on a daily basis. It's the enemy's world out there and living in it with other people living in it while still trying not to be of it often seems like a worthless pursuit. On top of all the other pressures of being a student and a person I'm supposed to be an example and a light to my peers? It's not always the easiest thing to be motivated to do.
Also, being in the presence of sin does a lot to a person whether they're actually tempted by it or not. I remember being a freshman and seeing the difference between the presence of sin on campus and at home and the difference wore on me daily. Just because I spend less time in the presence of this sort of sin does not exempt me from living in this world and being constantly more aware of the sin inside and outside of me.
Not to mention that some of the primary (though ill-founded) reasons I began to take Christianity seriously in the first place no longer exist. And much of my motivation to be found deeper in You still remains suspect. Whether it be Christian friendships, religious pride, or even the enjoyment of having theological discussions, all present a temptation for me to feign my relationship with You, sometimes without my own awareness of doing so.
But You Lord, have a plan for all of this. Even though I fall, fail, miss the point, and am unable to purify my own mind, You love me. You have placed infinite worth on my life by paying for it an infinite price. Nothing in all creation can change this love You have for me. Thank You.
When I look back on my life I hope that I can say truthfully that I did everything for one reason alone: because I love You so much and because You loved me first and died to save me.
Certainly nothing else is worth it.
But with my pathetic human wisdom and my pathetic human commitment I lose focus so quickly and cannot see the true worth of Your love. I end up subconsciously falling back on insufficient reasons. I have no doubt that in Your sight it is as some sort of idolatry or hypocrisy.
Change my heart and make it all about You. Then it becomes truly worth it.
The choice has been made.
There is no looking back.
I have stepped over the line.
I will not let up,
back up,
give up,
or shut up.
My focus is clear.
My path straight.
My God reliable.
I am a disciple of Christ.
May I be able to claim these words.
